How Can We Move Past Our Regrets?
There are two words that linger in us a little longer than usual. Sometimes it lasts for awhile. Other times, we don’t really know if it will truly leave. The two words are: If Only.
If only I… and our minds start to wander.
We often look back and think about how things could have been better. If only I had… then my life would be so much better. If only I had… then I would be happier. This is known as upward counterfactual thinking, and as we all are familiar with it, it can be pretty depressing. On the flip side, we also look back and think about how things could have been worse too. If only I had… then my life might just be miserable now. If only I had… then I might not have landed the perfect job I’m having right now! This is known as downward counterfactual thinking, and it can help to keep gratitude within reach.
As much of a huge advocate for constant reflection, I know many of us tend to sink into rumination. We do not want to fall into a pithole where we are constantly thinking of the things we have or haven’t done years ago. Of course, some choices are waaaay better than others. However, we also need to come to terms that the past will always remain as the past, and time only moves in one direction.
This is a one-way ride, and the trip is brief.
Of all of the events we think about, we probably think about our regrets the most. Is there a way, if we want to, try to eliminate regrets? I believe we can. We can first make a list of all the regrets we have right now that make us uncomfortable. We need to be brutally honest with ourselves and write every single one of them starting from childhood and move toward our current situation. Next, we need to filter the list of events by whether we have a say in them. That is, were we able to have a change in choice, if we were to revert back in time? By that category, we will be able to distinguish true regrets from the other events that simply happened upon us.
What we are doing here is to set the record straight for ourselves, instead of lumping every depressing event as a form of regret.
Following which, we need to rank these from least to most severe. How do we feel about them? Even though all of this took place in the past, we can choose to do something about it. For starters, we can choose to forgive ourselves. We probably did something wrong, and the first person we really need to apologise to is ourselves. I believe when we truly forgive ourselves, we will want to make things right. Sometimes it isn’t just about making things right for ourselves, but also making things right for the ones we hurt too.
Slowly but surely, we go down the list.
It isn’t gonna be easy, and it will take some time too. We will go back and forth with our regrets, and that is when we soon discover that patience is a virtue. We all want to be set free from the things we have done in the past. We all want to live as freely as a bird. More importantly, we want to fly far and explore the world. But, how can we do so when our wings are tied?
