How Can We Be Dishonest To Ourselves?

Terence C.
3 min readAug 18, 2019

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I sincerely believe many of us agree merely by convention and allow it to be a shortcut for the truth. Then, we make noises of halfhearted, wistful disapproval to our family members and friend, “Oh, come on!” All of us want free shipping. Yet, companies are still coming up with roundabout ways to charge for shipping. All of us want complimentary glasses of water when we walk into a cafe or restaurant. Yet, these food outlets are still charging for something that is of necessity to a meal. All of us want to be good at doing something. Yet few of us bother to put ourselves in a safe environment to bring about real-life activity, experimentation and interaction into the things we want to be good at.

There is a gap, and the gap simply involves honesty to ourselves.

There is little need for research to prove certain intuitive human behaviour. There is even lesser justification as to why things should be done in a certain manner, even at a higher than usual expense, especially at a higher than usual expense. “Because it feels comfortable to me” should naturally come across as a legitimate real reason as to why we should do things this or that way. More often than not, companies who provide some of the best services in the world, be it offline or online, lose in the short term only to emerge victorious in the end. They invest time, money and effort in a totally disproportionate manner on their employees, 1 potential client or a ridiculously small target market in return for trust, loyalty and advocacy. Surprise surprise, these values cannot be (easily) measured unlike the absurd $4.99 shipping fees or the $0.70 glass of iced water.

The truth is — we’re not honest enough to ourselves.

We’re not honest enough to trust that someone out there wants the same exact experience as us that doesn’t involve anything cool, fun or sexy. Drip by drip, our narrative actually has a chance to resonate. Some of our needs and wants are boringly ordinary, and can be fulfilled easily. But we don’t fight for it, or oftentimes, we don’t fight enough for it. It is tough putting ourselves out there. It is scary letting ourselves be seen and exposed vulnerable to people’s opinions and judgments. It is as though all of these bystanders are waiting for us to screw up and ready to mock us. The question is less about — “What if you lose money?” and more about — “Would you patronize a company who charges for shipping fees and glasses of water?”

Doing the right thing is always the right thing.

Part of why we’re not honest enough to ourselves is contributed by how we exist helplessly in other people’s heads. We know we’re constantly misunderstood or misrepresented. We know we’re distorted (sometimes in a really incoherent way) in their memories and perception. Yet, we still make the mistake of letting their assumptions or our assumption of their assumptions cloud our judgment.

Now, think about that friend, probably your best friend, you’re ready to defend against all odds. Your faith in the friendship doesn’t waver. His or her existence validates your presence and vice versa. You are convinced and absolute in the rapport; no matter what happens. You reach a point in this affection that you trust him or her more than you trust yourself. To a large extent, you’ve lost yourself. You willingly surrender your money, time, effort and authentic self in hope to share the same lifelong dream with that special someone. Sometimes they come in a form of a friend or romantic partner. Other times, they come in a form of a client or loyal customer.

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Terence C.
Terence C.

Written by Terence C.

There is a fine line between fishing and doing nothing. We would like to think that we’re fishing, but the truth is we don’t have the line.

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