How Can We Better Handle Compliments?
When someone compliments us, we tend to do one of three things. One — we go out of our way to downplay the praise, no matter how genuine it is. Two — we shift the praise onto someone else. Three — we dive headfirst into self-deprecation mode, probably because it seems as a necessary component of accepting praise. More often than not, the conversation usually end with a couple of slow nods and an awkward smile in silence. Whichever end of a compliment we’ve been on, a rejected compliment can be quite discomforting for both parties.
Whether the compliment holds true to its highest degree, I believe there is a better way to handle compliments rather than simply shrugging it off.
A compliment is one of the easiest gifts we can give to anyone, but it isn’t just a string of random words bundled together. A compliment can act as a tool for recognition. There is no doubt that a pay increment is good. However, sometimes circumstances do not allow for that and the next step we can take to improve productivity and commitment is through sincere appreciation. When we are aware that someone is appreciative and validates our talent, effort or personality, it creates a positive energy in the air and motivates us to perform better. However, there is a catch.
We can only reap the benefits if it is done right.
One of the common mistakes about giving a compliment is not giving one. We value a certain someone, and we feel good about them. But we are often under the assumption that the other person simply knows how we think about them. This is not the case at all, unless they possess the superpower to peer into our minds. We need to sincerely express how we feel for them to know. It is crucial that when we compliment someone, we are specific about it. Why is it that he or she looks good today? Is it the shirt? The shoes? The pairing of the shirt and shoes? When we’re specific about the compliment, the other party can use it as a gauge of improvement. When we compliment someone, we should also be mindful of how stressful it may be to receive the compliment. With this in mind, we can follow up the compliment with a question.
“This shirt hugs nicely around your shoulders, you look good in it. Where did you buy it from?”
Just like gifting, the fine art of complimenting is a two-way process. When it comes to receiving compliments, we do not want to turn it down as it hints as an insult to the person giving it. It suggests that we don’t value them as highly as they value us. Despite the innocent intent, a less-than-gracious response to receiving compliments can do more harm than good. Instead of tearing down relationships, we want to leverage on this opportunity to strengthen them. When we receive compliments, we want to accept it with an open heart. Even if we don’t really believe it, the person giving us the compliment does believe so. We may not acknowledge the legitimacy of the compliment, but we want to acknowledge their observation about us. There is no need to be in search for some sophisticated linguistic way to oil the wheels of social interaction, it can be as simple as a “Thank you!” with a smile. A follow up is even better, like a nice little icing on a cake.
“Thank you, you have just made my day.” or “Thank you, I appreciate it.”
Whether we’re giving a compliment or receiving one, it has to come from our heart. Compliments work only if they are sincere reflections of how we feel and if they are given freely and not coerced. We don’t need to be an expert to do it well. We just need to be genuine. It is not that we don’t give enough compliments, it is that we usually refuse to accept them. How about we take on a different perspective and look at it from another angle? Instead of focusing on the compliment itself, we can choose to focus on the meaning and significance of the compliment too. This is when we start to realise that the power of a compliment isn’t limited to simply brightening up our day, but it extends further to show who cares enough to brighten up our day.
