How Can We Make Terence’s Heartbreak Fluffy Pancakes?

Terence’s Heartbreak Fluffy Pancakes (makes 4 servings, 2 pancakes each)

1 large egg

2 tablespoons sugar

1/2 teaspoon table salt

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 tablespoon baking powder

4 tablespoons unsalted melted butter

1 1/2 cups (195 grams) all-purpose flour

1 medium heartbreak (approx. 8 months)

1 1/4 cups (295 ml) milk (Both dairy and non-dairy will work fine)

Preparation time: approx. 10 years

1. Whisk flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl.

2. Warm milk on top of stove until lukewarm.

3. Meet a Girl; should be beautiful, speaks well and comes with a pair of smiley eyes. Ensure she is unavailable, preferably with a ridiculously charming boyfriend. Store images of her in shoulder-baring dress for later use. Preheat to 375 degrees.

4. Whisk milk, egg, melted butter and vanilla extract until combined. (The warmed milk eases the melted butter into the mix rather than turning into small annoying lumps.)

5. When Girl asks — “Wanna have brunch?”, blend unrequited lust and professional envy to establish her on the pedestal. (Girl should be unattainable.)

6. Heat a frying pan over medium heat. The pan is ready if when you splatter a little water onto the surface, the water dances around the pan and eventually evaporates.

7. Correspond with Girl on books, relationship advice, exercise, RomCom movies, classic sitcoms like HIMYM, Damien Rice, etc., for approx 1 decade. Reduce heat; simmer through 3 of her relationships.

8. Make a well in the center of the flour mixture. Pour milk mixture into the well and use a fork to stir until you no longer see clumps of flour.

9. As soon as Girl’s third relationship ends, commence Operation It-Is-A-Sign-We-Are-Meant-For-Each-Other. Increase heat intensity to high and pray for the best. Should take no more than 5 heated arguments (exclusive of petty cold wars on phone). Total duration: 6 to 10 months.

10. Lightly brush the frying pan with melted butter. Use a 1/4-cup measuring cup to spoon batter onto frying pan. Gently spread the batter into your desired circle size.

11. Indulge in restless nights for roughly same amount of time as affair.

12. When edges look dry, and bubbles start to appear and pop on the top surfaces of the pancake, flip over. This takes about 2 minutes. Once flipped, cook for another minute or until lightly browned and cooked in the middle. Serve immediately with warm syrup, butter and fresh berries.

13. After 1 year, exchange slightly awkward text messages until Girl enters her marriage.

Enjoy.